The Blackout, the Beach, and the Breakdown

On losing power, wrestling with doubt, and learning to love myself a little more gently.

Dear Human,

Do you love yourself?

I’ve been sitting with this question a lot lately. Not in a dramatic, staring-out-the-window way — more like a quiet curiosity that keeps coming back.

Some days, I’m unsure. So I whisper to myself:

“I love myself. I may not like every part. But I love the whole. I love how soft I am. How easily I cry. How my chest opens when I hear music that moves me. I don’t love how quickly I believe negative thoughts. I don’t love how small I become when I believe them. But I’m learning to pause. To question them. It softens their grip. It makes room for grace. I’m a work in progress. But I’m becoming — on purpose.”

Feel free to whisper it too, or write one of your own.

Reflection Prompt:
What’s the most practical piece of advice you’ve ever gotten? (Asking for a friend...)

The Blackout

Monday, 12:30pm.
I’m on the phone with Hadiza, laughing hard, when the power cuts out. I think it’s just our flat, but my flatmate says the whole building is out.

I get dressed to work at a café. On my way out, I bump into Micheal on the street.

“Darling, where are you going?”

“To the café to work,” I say.

“No love, there’s no power anywhere in Spain.”

We end up at the Free Music School. The lights are off, but the doors are open. Micheal welcomes senior citizens who pass by, a little crowd forms one group speaking Spanish another speaking english, laughter fills the room like the scent of freshly baked bread. We sit, swap stories, and laugh with whoever stops long enough to listen.

The vegan sushi place next door brings us free sushi. It’s delicious — fresh, unexpected, comforting.

I go home at 2pm to nap, when I wake up at 4pm, the power is still out. I head back to the Free Music School and an Armenian man is playing the piano in the Free Music School. His fingers find a rhythm that pulls people in. Slowly, a small crowd forms — drawn by the music, staying for the stillness.

Here’s a snippet of the moment on the piano (You can find him on youtube)

In a moment that could’ve felt helpless, we ate, we laughed, we rested.
Together.

I was supposed to have an exam that day.
It was cancelled

I cooked jollof rice for my flatmates and I when the power came back (that was my way of releasing all the emotions that came with the black out)

The Flu (Again), Deadlines, and Doubt

Two days after the black out and Oibiee has the flu again. How I made it through two exams, one presentation and work is a miracle.
In addition to that this week, I asked myself:
Am I good at my job? Am I doing enough? Will I get fired?

These weren’t abstract thoughts. They came with the flu. With headaches, body chills, and an inbox full of tasks that kept growing.

They came after a tough review last week — just one, but it stayed with me.
It echoed louder than it should’ve. Not in my boss’s voice, but in the voice of a stern teacher from my past. The kind who never smiled. The kind who made mistakes feel like failures.

All week, I kept reacting to him. Not to reality.

Then Friday came. My boss messaged me:
“Thank you for being a champ, taking a swing at the hard stuff, and holding the fort during this chaotic week.”

It caught me off guard.

It took me a whole week to realize:
The voice I was responding to wasn’t even real.
So I started asking: Who is my boss, really? What words does he actually use?

He’s a very honest, man, he gives constructive feedback, never criticises and always shows appreciation. The next time I get a review that calls me to do better, I will try to remember my bosses traits.

One way I nourished my body when I had the flu…

A Day Trip

I ended the week on the beach in another city. Not 100%, but well enough to go.

Three classmates and I planned a quick day trip. We thought it’d be a straight bus ride — it turned into a metro, a train, another train, a bus, and a lot of running. Trains were still glitchy from the blackout.

The journey was messy. Loud. Chaotic.
But we made it before lunch.

And it was worth it.
Sun. Stillness. Laughter. No deadlines. No pressure.

Being by the water reminded me of something I’d forgotten:

Some moves change everything.
Moving to Barcelona felt like that — a new chapter for music, career, and self. But I was holding it too tightly. Barcelona is a go-with-the-flow city. I came in as a planner. And I missed out on little adventures — not because people didn’t want me, but because I clung to a schedule.

Some dreams need to be lighter.

I spoke to Rosemary. She’s investing in her music. I’ve wanted to do the same, but I’ve burdened the dream with too many layers. Strategy. Monetization. Proving it’s “worth it.”

Now, I’m choosing a simpler path.
Use my skills to earn. Use what I can to fund my art.
If it makes money someday, beautiful.
If not, it gave me joy. And that’s enough.

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Since there’s no memo or project this week, I’m leaving you with three questions:

• How do you navigate the desire to build something you love?

• Are you open to the possibility that there’s a different way to do it?

• What are you afraid of — and what do you desire? Which one holds more weight?

Till next week,
With love and laughter,
Oibiee